Wilderness by Dennis Danvers

Author:Dennis Danvers
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: HarperCollins
Published: 1991-02-15T00:00:00+00:00

Alice wrestled the fabric-covered foam rubber to the top of the stairs and let it go. It slid, unfolded, lodged halfway down between the wood railing and the wall. It was the mattress from the cot she used to take camping. She planned to lie on it today when she put herself into a trance. No amount of concentration could overcome the bone chill of cold concrete. She locked the door behind her, walked down to the mattress, and gave it a kick. It sprang into the air like a diver, belly-flopping onto the floor in a whoosh of dust as it glided to a halt.

It was Monday afternoon. She’d spent the weekend practicing self-hypnosis. It came easy for her. She was used to being alone with herself. Hypnosis was like walking into a daydream and taking possession of it. She simply had to find the way in, the means to move.

She had unplugged the phone. On Sunday someone she’d assumed to be Erik had knocked persistently at the door, but she hadn’t answered it. What would be the point of talking with him now? She wanted to be someone different when she spoke with him again, someone who could say, I will never change again—I can be, if you wish it, only who I appear to be.

She’d called in sick this morning. It was true in a way, had been true for years. Today she hoped to learn if she might cure herself. If she could change herself through self-hypnosis—just as Luther had almost changed her in his office—she might be able to keep herself from changing as well.

She descended the last few steps, sat on the stairs, and slipped off her shoes and socks. She stood, the concrete cold beneath her feet, and pulled off her sweater, folding it neatly and placing it on the steps. If she managed to transform herself into a wolf, would she be able to come back? She would die here without food or water, or if discovered, she would be imprisoned or destroyed. This did not frighten her. Any resolution was preferable to the maze in which she found herself.

As she stepped out of her jeans, she imagined she was meeting some invisible lover, like a medieval witch who confessed to being visited by demons. She must have longed to go with them, she thought, instead of lingering in this world, awaiting the stake. She looked around at the featureless gray walls. This room was like the cells monks built to protect the spirit from the flesh. She pulled the string, turning off the single bare bulb. As she lay down upon the mat, she imagined a monk, invading from within, a hard penis in his hand, arching his back into the darkness.

She lay still, then began to empty her mind as she had learned to do, imagining each atom of her body finding peace. She could see nothing, hear nothing. The dank smell of the basement soon faded away. She might be anywhere, floating in a void.

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